


Breathe Again

by LittleMsStark3000



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M, Goodbyes, Hurt, Hurt Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov Feels, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Canon Compliant, POV Natasha Romanov, Parent Tony Stark, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-11 19:48:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19116523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMsStark3000/pseuds/LittleMsStark3000
Summary: Natasha continued to watch them as thoughts ran at the back of her mind. She felt a pinch in her heart when Tony cradled Morgan on his lap after a while and kissed her head.It was time to leave.





	1. Chapter 1

The wind blew Natasha's hair, strands covered her face which blocked the view before her.

She stood outside the brick walls surrounding Tony's townhouse; she was waiting from one of her four usual spots where she hid at whenever she _visited_ them, to have a glimpse of Morgan's playhouse.

_Time check: 4:00 PM._

Natasha knew that the little girl was coming out soon. She probably was just having her favorite choco crunchies snack upon waking up from her afternoon nap.

True enough, she saw the 5-year old running out of the house in a few minutes. Tailing behind her was her cat, Coco... if Tony hasn't changed yet the name she and his daughter have given.

Then she noticed something new added in Morgan's playground: a wooden swing bench where the girl went up to, while Coco jumped and settled beside her, finding more comfort with the little hand petting its fur.

What she did not expect to see in the scene was Tony. The genius mechanic also followed them out shortly; he walked towards the swing to sit beside his little girl and they seemed to have started chatting.

How she also missed talking with Morgan... that smart munchkin who obviously got her wit from her father. She was observant and asked a million questions, literally ranging from the smallest of insects to the galaxy. She wanted to name all of her toys, tons of them, and they actually needed to Google list of names at times to choose from. She knew how to bargain in a lot of ways, which were quite difficult to say no to.

Natasha continued to watch them as thoughts ran at the back of her mind. She felt a pinch in her heart when Tony cradled Morgan on his lap after a while and kissed her head. He also took on patting Coco's back.

Her sight blurred as wind continued to blow her hair untidily. She moved the strands away from her eyes and also wiped the forming tears with the back of her hands.

It was time to leave.


	2. Chapter 2

Tony caught Natasha sitting on the swing bench, but she was not moving, except for her wary eyes that stared nowhere and her red-and-blonde hair slightly blown by the wind.

He walked towards the front yard when FRIDAY informed him of their unexpected guest. As soon as he saw her there, his jaw almost clenched and it was as if someone gripped his heart. His stomach tightened, but he did not allow her to see that.

"Morgan is still sleeping. It's just half past 2."

Consciously, he left meters of distance between them. She was not looking at him so he felt somehow free to look intently at her instead.

"I know," she simply replied, face void of emotion that he wanted to see. 

"That it's just half past 2 or that she is still asleep by now? Both. Of course, you do. She hasn't outgrown the three-year routine," deliberate sarcasm laced his tone.

Finally, she looked his way.

"Tony -"

For a brief moment, he caught her eyes, but she immediately looked down.

"So tell me: after a year of going around my brick walls spying over my daughter as if she is some kind of a mission, what made you decide to show up today?"

He spit words like fire and he could not control them himself. When Natasha did not respond, he continued. 

"Oh... You didn't know that I know? Of course, I do. I may look a little lowtech guy now without the suits but gotta keep Morgan and me from people who'd want to hurt us."

Natasha was smart enough to spot his double-meaning. And when pain registered on her expression, he wanted to laugh bitterly.

"I... I'm sorry," she almost inaudibly said. 

"Which part are you sorry about, Ms. Romanoff? Hey, you might want to quantify because I can list a few." 

Tony crossed his arms on his chest.

"I shouldn't have just disappeared."

"That part - yeah. Morgan was looking for you, you know? After you said goodbye to her," he quipped. "Everyday, she asks me when you are coming back. To be fair, I never really expected you will. Not when you didn't even have the decency to say goodbye to me."

"Tony, I couldn't. I didn't even know what to say..." 

His brows furrowed as he faked a chuckle. 

"You could have just told me we're too much for you to care about. Like 'hey Tony, I realized you two are actually not my family and I have a life of my own that I better live' -" 

"It's not like that!" Natasha shouted in obvious hurt and annoyance as she stood from the bench. 

"Then tell me why, Natasha! Because honestly? I would've want to hear that or any f*cking reason than not to have any reason at all!" he shouted back, closing the distance between them.

"Four years. You spent four damn years with us, and I thought we... I thought you were fine." 

"I was," her voice cracked.

Tony held her shoulders, as if it would keep himself from pulling her to an embrace, because that was what he badly ached to do. 

"In fact, I was... more than just fine. I was happy. Those were the best years of my life," her smile did not reach her teary eyes. "Waking up almost everyday in this home... Going into missions knowing I have somewhere I would return to... Seeing Morgan, like the child I will never have..."

"Then why?" he whispered. 

"Having you around... scared me. I shouldn't be... I mean, I cannot..." she stammered and he knew there was something she held herself from saying.

Gently, he tilted her chin up so she could look straight to him. "What?" 

Natasha shook her head lightly. "I cannot claim you for myself and be happy like that. I'm not... her. I'm far from who she is and what she is to you, to Morgan -" 

"I don't need you to be like Pepper."

There, Tony dropped the name she seemingly avoided.

And he recalled how all of these started.

Pepper dying at childbirth. Him subconsciously blaming and hating Morgan for it. Their team coming together to pay their respect and, one by one, checking up on him from time to time. Natasha - being the only one available, capable and willing to stay behind - helping him and his daughter to cope; chasing his nightmares away; taking on the responsibilities that were supposed to be his during the first year; moving on and literally moving with them to a new home when he decided to start anew; looking after Morgan when he went away for a while to arrange Stark Industries' management change; and supporting him as he become the father he never thought he could be.

"I loved her, so much that it broke everything it can break when she left. God knows what we had is irreplaceable, but it has happened. I was a mess getting over it, yes, you have seen that. But you've dealt with me. You stayed, for me and for my daughter."

Tears started flowing from her eyes and she covered her face, as if she could hide from him.

"You were the last person I expected to break us again... because you were the one who fixed what was left of me."

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

Tony moved her hands replacing them with his as he cupped her face.

"Natasha, I need you. I want you in Morgan's life as much as I want you in mine. You don't have to feel guilty about this if you are happy. You're not stealing us from anybody. And I want to see you happy... I want you to be happy, always."

That was what she probably needed to hear. She burried her head on his chest, crying and slightly trembling, but allowing herself to be enveloped in the safety he offered. Her arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him desperately closer. 

Same goes for him. He let go of all the anguish he harbored eversince Natasha left. He kissed her hair, forehead, eyes, nose, cheeks and lips over and over as he hugged her tight, making her feel his fear of losing her.

Tony silently wished that she would never leave them again.

*****

All I have, all I need,  
he's the air I would kill to breathe  
Holds my love in his hands,  
still I'm searching for something  
Out of breath, I am left hoping someday  
I'll breathe again

\- Lyrics from "Breathe Again" by Sara Barreiles

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short drabble as response to a prompt I stumbled upon on Tumblr... 
> 
> "Where’s the AU where Pepper dies in childbirth and Tony‘s left to raise Morgan on his own but Natasha—like the good, loyal friend she is—makes sure he doesn’t have to do it completely alone? 
> 
> And, of course, they fall in love along the way and Morgan adores her step-mom and Natasha cherishes the daughter she thought she could never have and Tony’s found happiness and nobody dies?"
> 
> Just the angsty version here. Lemme know what you think. Please be kind though... Peace.


End file.
